Nouwen’s believes that the words said to Jesus from heaven at his baptism are words said to all of us if we will listen and believe: “You are my beloved child. I am well pleased with you.” What we all need, Nouwen teaches, is a deep awareness that we are always God’s Beloved. How does anyone ever get the joy and peace we all want? We get it from knowing ourselves as God’s Beloved. Those who don’t know that they are Beloved run here and there looking for the imitation love of praise from others, power over others, and safety within the crowd. This is a compulsiveness that leads to death. The truth we need to claim for ourselves is that we are “loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us.”
The movement of the book is guided by these descriptions of what it means to be the beloved: Chosen, Blessed, Broken, and Given
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We are chosen, not in the sense that we deserve to be first on the team while other lesser talents are left out. We are chosen by the One who loves us with an everlasting love. That means I am more than a speck of humanity among millions. “Long before any human being saw us, we are seen by God’s loving eyes.”
Being chosen means, first, that I can reject the lies the world tells me that may demean me. I can know that I am the chosen child of God, even though I may not feel it right now. Second, being chosen also means that I will seek out the people and the places that remind me of the truth of my chosenness. Thirdly, I have to celebrate my chosenness by constantly saying “thank you” to God for choosing me.
Being blessed means that I am open to being affirmed by those who will say good things to me. To give a blessing to someone is more than giving them a word of praise or pointing out their talents. “To give a blessing is to affirm, to say “yes” to a person’s Belovedness.” A blessing is not telling a person how much you admire them. “A blessing touches the original goodness of the other and calls forth his or her Belovedness.” Here is an example of the kind of blessing Nouwen gave to people at L’Arche, the community of handicapped people and their caregivers. This one went to an assistant in the community, a 24 year old student. “John, it is so good that you are here. You are God’s Beloved Son. Your presence is a joy for all of us. When things are hard and live is burdensome, always remember hat you are loved with and everlasting love.”
“Broken” is Nouwen’s word about our sinfulness and our suffering. His example of his brokenness is his addiction to one person’s attentions and support. While he doesn’t go into any detail, he makes it clear that this one person was too important to him. He seems to have been trying to get all of his feeling s of being Beloved from one human being. The insight here is that God’s love flows through many human channels, and we make a huge mistake when we rely on one person for all of our security and feeling of being loved.
I find helpful Nouwen’s guidance that we put our brokenness under the blessing. This is a way of saying that we learn not to think of our brokenness as proof of some kind of curse. “The suffering I am going through is proof that the deep feeling I have of being no good is accurate. My brokenness proves it.” When we put our brokenness under the light of blessing we move toward full acceptance of ourselves as the Beloved. His examples of putting your brokenness under the blessing include
We are chosen, blessed, and broken not for our own sakes, but in order that we can be given. In the end, what brings us the greatest joy in life is being able to do something for another person. God’s love flows into us in order to flow on to others. All that we receive from being the Beloved is to be passed on.
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