Thankful Because . . . .

Walter Shurden is teacher and friend to many preachers. In his latest “Preaching Journal,” which I am thankful to receive from him each month, he quotes from Wendell Berry’s novel, Hannah Coulter: “I was grateful because I knew I ought to be, sometimes because I wanted to be, and sometimes a sweet thankfulness came to me on its own, like a singing from somewhere out in the dark.” That provides three points on which I will preach, as Walter suggests.

1. Thankful because I ought to be: as I look at my life, my church, my family, all the care I have received, how could I be anything other that thankful. November is the month of Thanksgiving. For my family, it means gathering in Easley, SC at Fleda’s mother’s house on Thanksgiving Day.

2. Thankful because I want to be: when we list the things we are thankful for each Wednesday night at New Hope, we come up with a pretty long list just because we want to be thankful. There is joy in thanking God for good gifts he gives, and especially in thanking him for people.

3. Thankful because I couldn’t help myself: as I prepared for All Saints Day on Sunday November 1, I read these words from Henri Nouwen and realized that “sweet thankfulness” comes to me when I think about people I have loved who have died: “As we grow older we have more and more people to remember, people who have died before us. . . . Remembering them means letting their spirits inspire us in our daily lives.”

What ought you to be thankful for? What do you want to be thankful for? What “sweet thankfulness” has just come over you lately?

On All Saints Day

This year on All Saints Day we remember four New Hope members who died in 2009. We thank God that they lived among us: Al Bittel, Betty Myers, Kiyoko Bundens, and Guy Wells. All four of them loved our church. We have our memories of them and are blessed to have had them with us as brothers and sisters in the faith.

In his book, Bread for the Journey, Henri Nouwen wrote a brief devotional thought that he titled “The Companionship of the Dead.” When I read these words weeks ago, I marked them to share them with you on All Saints Day, because they define the meaning of this day in the Church Year better than anything I have read.

As we grow older we have more and more people to remember, people who have died before us. It is very important to remember those who have loved us and those we have loved. Remembering them means letting their spirits inspire us in our daily lives. They can become part of our spiritual communities and gently help us as we make decisions on our journeys. Parents, spouses, children, and friends can become true spiritual companions after they have died. Sometimes they can become even more intimate to us after death than when they were with us in life.

Remembering the dead is choosing their ongoing companionship.

Who are you remembering today? Whose ongoing companionship is important to you?

Blaming Others for Your Lack of Fulfillment

I have been watching more TV than usual as I recover from surgery. Joy Behar was talking to Valerie Bertinelli the other night. Joy, the host, said something like,
“Wasn’t there some messing around involved in the breakup of your marriage?” I know nothing about Valerie’s past, so I may have the details wrong, but this was the line that I clearly heard Joy say and then Valerie agreed:

“When there is messing around with someone else it means the marriage was already in trouble. You find somebody else because you were not being fulfilled by the relationship within the marriage.”

Immediately, I started thinking up arguments against Joy Behar’s statement. It is the kind of thinking that leads to one divorce after another. Whenever someone cheats on his or her spouse, it is wrong to blame the cheating behavior on not being fulfilled by the marriage. It is wrong for at least two reasons.

First, when we got married, we promised to take the other person as a marriage partner “for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live.” In other words, we made a pledge: “I will love you unconditionally.” Not, “I will love you as long as you make me feel fulfilled.”

Second, the person who goes outside a marriage to find another sexual partner is not reacting to a lack of fulfillment in the marriage. He is reacting to a lifetime of emptiness and fear within himself or herself.

The lack of fulfillment was there inside before there ever was a marriage. When we don’t have an adequate supply of real love inside ourselves, we reach out for anything that will take away the pain. Sexual pleasure can be one form of imitation love meant to ease the pain. Praise from another person or power over another person can also bring temporary relief from inner pain.

Why is it important for us to learn this truth? Because we never help ourselves by blaming our lack of fulfillment on other people: our marriage partner, our friends, our church, or our job. If we will tell the truth about our emptiness and fear and learn not to blame our bad feelings on other people, we will open ourselves up the flow of God’s love. That flow comes through many human channels, and God’s love, real love drives out fear.

God's Mercy In Medicine

As I write this I am just beginning to absorb the news that I am going to have surgery. I have been plagued with diverticulitis since 1992. Dr. Michael Donahoe described this surgery to me today, September 25, as a “preemptive strike.” The antibiotics that I have been taking for a month have not cured the problem. As soon as I stop taking them, the pain comes back, because the infection continues to smolder in my colon. If I put this off, I could possibly have a serious enough problem that I would have to have emergency surgery. This one will come after days of preparation. It will be a laparoscopic procedure and will not require a large incision, though a portion of my colon will be removed.

I will be planning with New Hope leaders my time away for recuperation. My goal is get this over with before the holidays, and be back in full swing by Sunday, November 1, which is All Saints Day.

Fleda and I thank you for your prayers. We thank God for his mercy at work in medicine. So many things that go wrong with our bodies can be corrected. God is the Cure Giver. Human beings are the care givers, and you, my brothers and sisters at New Hope, are among the best care givers on God’s earth.

Being Prepared to Die

Since our long-time friends, Bill and Mary Anne Robinson, lost their 35-year-old daughter Leslie on Sunday, September 20, I have been thinking about how we all need to be prepared to die. News about the earthquakes in Indonesia and the tsunami and quake in American Samoa has also caused me to think. We don’t know how long we will live. Death often happens suddenly. It might come very unexpectedly.

I have found help in Bread for the Journey, a book of daily readings by Father Henri Nouwen. It was published in 1997 after his unexpected death at the age of 64 in 1996.

When we think about death, we often think about what will happen to us after we have died. But it is more important to think about what will happen to those we leave behind. The way we die has a deep and lasting effect on those who stay alive. It will be easier for our family and friends to remember us with joy and peace if we have said a grateful good-bye than if we die with bitter and disillusioned hearts.

The greatest gift we can offer our families and friends is the gift of gratitude. Gratitude sets them free to continue living without bitterness or self-recrimination.

How can we be prepared to die? By not having any unfinished relational business. The question is, Have I forgiven those who have hurt me and asked forgiveness from those I have hurt? When I feel at peace with all the people who are part of my life, my death might cause great grief, but it will not cause guilt or anger.

When we are ready to die at any moment, we are also ready to live at any moment.