Forgiveness

When Jesus tells us that we are to forgive those who sin against us, he is not telling us to forget, to tolerate, or to excuse people. Forgiveness is not simply letting people off the hook. Forgiveness means these things.

1. I am not going to hurt the person who has hurt me. There are times when we want to make the other person suffer in the way they have made us suffer. Forgiveness means refusing to act on your desire to hurt the other person back. Here is what Paul wrote to the Christians in Rome (12:17-19), “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Forgiveness means leaving it up to God to exact a price from the person who has hurt you.

2. I set my intention to heal from the hurt that I don’t deserve. As long as I am angry and resentful toward the one who has hurt me, I am letting someone else be in control of my happiness. Forgiveness means I am not going to nurse and rehearse the injury. I am going to work to recognize that the past cannot be changed and I can make choices that will help me to recover and be happy no matter what the other person has done or is doing.

3. I recognize that Jesus wants us to forgive in order to keep relationships healthy in our church, in our families, and in all of our communities. Hebrews 12: 14-15 says, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Just two church members refusing to forgive each other can destroy the fellowship. A weed of bitterness gone to seed can destroy a garden that was once beautiful.

4. I accept what Jesus has done for me, and I let it flow through me to others. Thinking about how many times God has forgiven you can motivate you to forgive. This is the way Paul said it to the Colossian Christians: “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (3:13).

• Have you found it difficult in the past or in the present to forgive someone? What has helped you to forgive?

• What makes it easier to see other people’s guilt than to see your own?

• Is there a relationship in which you are in danger of turning a hurt into resentment or hatred? What will you do to stop that process?